Sunday, May 21, 2006

It's been a while, huh? I guess if you really want the low down, you should be reading my other blog. This one's kinda turned into the one that I'm pretty sure no one reads, at least not anybody that I know of. So I'm supposed to be trying this whole "being single" thing. For the most part its not that bad. Lately I've been ridiculously busy so I wouldn't have had time if there was someone. Plus I'm kind of dealing with a lot of repressed baggage at the moment, so I'd make a pretty awful date. For awhile I thought I might have had something going one with one of the Seattle kids, but the whole long distance thing doesn't work if the other person stops returning messages and starts dating someone else. I kinda like being single too, I've never really done it and it's nice not feeling obligated to another person. At the same time I miss the cuddling, affection and screwing that comes with a relationship too. Considering that I'm only 21, I've got plenty of time to enjoy single life and to find a good, tattooed, man. Unfortunately, my failures in the romance department and natural cynical midset are slowly but surely making me bitter. For instance, I now hate spring. Not just because of allergies, but because everybody seems to have new relationships in the spring, even the retarded birds outside my apartment. Yet, here I am alone. Bored out of my mind while all of my friends are doing school shit and/or having date night.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Self Control

Well Shit! I was totally resovled to carry out my new years resolution; no boys, no more shit. That lasted a whopping 3 weeks. Although, I must admit, that boy was impressive. My month in France was awesome! I really didn't want to go back to the states, but I'm now broke, so I kinda had to. But my last night in Bordeux was particularly memorable because of a certain dark haired, hot, Brit that I met in an English pub. A little sad that the majority of my drinking experiences in France were spent in English Pubs, but hey I got to meet that boy. And while it may not have been the best decision, I haven't been kissed like that in soooo long. After enduring a little bit of teasing from my classmates, and a little bit of regret for not following my resolution, I've come to a new decision. I will not have anymore one-night stands, flings, etc. If someone is interested in me, they have to wait. What I want is a relationship. I want the comfort of being held with the knowledge that there's something more than lust involved. Until that comes along I will force myself to be content. Plus I have plenty of lurid memories to satisfy myself with in the mean time ;)

Monday, January 02, 2006

I am my own worst enemy

I should really take my own advice. Last night was New Years and so naturally I'm at my friends' place in c-vallis. Since both Jennie and I are kinda of going abroad for a while we got caught up on gossip and how a couple of our friends are making stupid decisions in the romance department. Out of the very dusty logic part of my brain, I made a very nice assesment of rebound relationships and how they don't work because the rebounder doesn't know they're rebounding, and for all the wrong reasons, until its too late.
Holy Crap! I made sense! Unfortunately, that epiphany didn't come soon enough, because I'm writting here, meaning I screwed up again. Rewind to about a week or so ago. Drunk me decides, "ah fuck it" and goes home C***s for some really awkward sex. Disappointing, but I chalked it up drunkeness on both our parts. This past Friday we made plans for an actual date. This is where the retarted romantic in me thinks that maybe this could work and be fun. The date was ok, but at the end of Jennie's going away party I end up going home with him again. Long story short and a total of 3 nights of bad sex, I've done it again; I've broken my rule about waiting for guys. Not only do I not follow my own advice, I'm pretty sure I have a giant neon sign above my head that reads "Loose your virginity here!" My resolution ruined and I didn't even get a good lay from it.
Christ! I mean it this year, no more boys! So here it finally is, my New Year's resolution: I will not date, and especially not sleep with, any boys unless they meet all of my standards (trust me its a long damn list) and show a clear interest in a solid, loving, long-term relationship that is reciprocated by me. So no settleing, no trysts, no crap.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Another One Bites the Dust

Well I certainly suck at keeping this little interweb site updated. As per the usual, this is a gripe session. Who I'm griping to, I have no idea, because if I forgot about this thing, it's not likely that anyone else remembers it exists. Anyway, I got dumped last night. The terrible part about it is that I don't really feel all that bad. Yeah, I'm kinda pissed, a little more cynical, but overall pretty okay. This just reaffirms my point that boys suck, or really my romantic endeavors with the male species sucks. But what can you do.? At least now I can go to parties and not feel bad about leaving him to sulk at home. Plus he didn't listen to music, so really that should have been the first clue it wasn't gonna end well. All in all, it works out for the best because I am now free to flirt with hot French guys during January until my dream Emo-Rock guy with a faux-hawk and mutton chops shows up.

Monday, April 25, 2005

The Big 2-0

Whew, it certainly has been a while. I got a little distracted/lazy and didn't really feel like writing. Plenty of things have happened since I last wrote: got a new boy (I'll talk about that later), a job that's not in Coburg for the summer, screwed up a couple more tests, and last but not least, I turn 20 this sunday. Yay for being alive!

As I knew it would, things eventually turned out alright. Maybe it was all of my bitching, yeah right. Its amazing what can happen in two months. I had promised myself no more boys, and look at how well that turned out. Nick is the new boy, he's great: smart, funny, tall, shy, sweet, mostly sane, all around a pretty good guy. I'm still pretty skiddish and still think about S. a bit more than I'd like, but I haven't told him that, so its between you and me.

But the biggest news: I turn twenty on sunday! I'm pretty excited, as excited as I get for meaningless holidays I suppose. Its more of an excuse to be lazy and have people do stuff for me than anything else. Although I am doing something for myself, I'm getting two more tattoos, a pair of skull and crossbones. Yes, I've thought about it. Yes, my clothes will cover them. Yes, there is a chance I will regret it later, but what the hell you only live once. I'm in love with tattoos and even if I do someday regret the design I'll still love them for the art sake itself. They're also going to serve as mememtos for me; a shortcut to this time in my life, good and bad times. My family doesn't really seem to like the idea, but they're supportive still. In the end I don't really care. I'm doing it for my own reasons, some of which I keep to myself so if my answers seem a little shallow there are more, but you don't get to know them, neener neener neener.

Well anyway, I'm off again. We'll see if its another two months before a write again.

The Big 2-0

Whew, it certainly has been a while. I got a little distracted/lazy and didn't really feel like writing. Plenty of things have happened since I last wrote: got a new boy (I'll talk about that later), a job that's not in Coburg for the summer, screwed up a couple more tests, and last but not least, I turn 20 this sunday. Yay for being alive!

As I knew it would, things eventually turned out alright. Maybe it was all of my bitching, yeah right. Its amazing what can happen in two months. I had promised myself no more boys, and look at how well that turned out. Nick is the new boy, he's great: smart, funny, tall, shy, sweet, mostly sane, all around a pretty good guy. I'm still pretty skiddish and still think about S. a bit more than I'd like, but I haven't told him that, so its between you and me.

But the biggest news: I turn twenty on sunday! I'm pretty excited, as excited as I get for meaningless holidays I suppose. Its more of an excuse to be lazy and have people do stuff for me than anything else. Although I am doing something for myself, I'm getting two more tattoos, a pair of skull and crossbones. Yes, I've thought about it. Yes, my clothes will cover them. Yes, there is a chance I will regret it later, but what the hell you only live once. I'm in love with tattoos and even if I do someday regret the design I'll still love them for the art sake itself. They're also going to serve as mememtos for me; a shortcut to this time in my life, good and bad times. My family doesn't really seem to like the idea, but they're supportive still. In the end I don't really care. I'm doing it for my own reasons, some of which I keep to myself so if my answers seem a little shallow there are more, but you don't get to know them, neener neener neener.

Well anyway, I'm off again. We'll see if its another two months before a write again.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Priorities

So its around 11:30 on a Tuesday and normally I would be taking a nap in between my classes. Today however is special. Today I've decided that taking a nap would be imprudent considering I have a test later today that I really should be studying for. Instead, I typing away, a much better decision. No seriously, I should be studying, but I can't make myself do it. My sense of motivation has really been declining this year, I haven't even done my dishes (me who constantly yelled at my siblings for never putting their dishes in the diswasher!). Anway, I should go do that studying thing; in actuality I'm gonna surf the internet until lunch. I'm really gonna suck it up on this test.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Hyper

So I'm coming down from one of my few, but intense hyper moments. Its really strange when I get hyper because it so rarely happens. My mind races and my body feels like it should be moving much faster than it is, very anxious. I don't particularlly like the way my body feels when I'm hyper; its too disconnected and in general the anxiousness makes me feel like I have to get something done, but there's nothing to do. The same thing happened in my dreams last night. I dreamt I had three chemistry problems to do, each a separate dream, but I couldn't figure out how to do them. I actually woke up durring the night upset that I wasn't gonna get my work done on time. Hopefully the whole semester isn't like this, cause it usually means I need a break, but we're only in the second week of the term.